im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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