careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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