hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
