Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
