Umm I'm too high to move.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
