....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
