so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
