I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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