Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
