I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
