OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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