I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
