How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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