I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So many bounce houses so little time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
