Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
