i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
