You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
