He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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