Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
