i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need a burrito and a hug.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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