I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
