I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My bed smells like the plague
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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