The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
