Just cropdusted the office
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
