my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.