Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
