1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.