if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.