dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
