Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS