don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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