oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
