you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
