Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
