Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
