I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His nipple licking is glorious
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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