Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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