well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it penis luge time yet?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
