I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im six kinds of drunk right now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
