woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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