i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
