Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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