You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
