I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Houston, we have a blender
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
