can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
