Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
