guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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