if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
