She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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