Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
