i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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