You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
