um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
