Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
