My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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