I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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