my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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