The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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