the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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