i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
