We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
