Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
