As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
