I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
