its not stalking. its research.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize