Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
