I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
