I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
