why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
