addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
