I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize