we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
